The story of Lolita, the Pole Dancing Lot Lizard
So, sitting outside with Craig (my husband) and Dusyran (our dog), who likes to chase the poor lizards in the yard.
(Dusyran, not Craig.)
This poor, itty-bitty lizard is climbing a wooden pole, used to help support the chain-link fence.
It gets halfway up, Dusyran spooks it, and it runs away.
A few minutes later, the lizard tries again. Same result.
About the fourth time, Craig and I are calling it the Pole Dancing lizard.
I started singing “I work hard for the money…”.
It quickly became a running commentary into the life of a pole dancing lizard.
“Gotta put the kids though school.”
“I need those classes in dog avoidance 101.”
So on and so fourth.
Finally, I say, “okay…we hafta name her. What’s a good stripper name?”.
First word out of Craig’s mouth, less than half a second later…
Oh my Gods.
I felt it go wonky; I can only imagine how it looked.
That was MY stage name, when I danced. He doesn’t like to discuss that part of my life, so I’d never gone into detail. He had NO clue.
“Really? FUCKING REALLY?!?”
I’m about dying, I’m laughing so hard, and once I explain, we spent a good five minutes of just avoiding eye contact because we’d both start laughing again.
So, I go inside to get ice, and (as he put it) “come up with a suitable name” for the poor lizard we have now created an entire back-story for.
I come back out and proclaim, “Lolita the Pole Dancing Lizard!”, which then lead to more, inevitable conversation about this lizard’s life.
Finally reaching the top of the “pole”, Craig decides she’s going to “jump and end it all”…
Which lead to my stating, “All those back-lot blow jobs! I can’t live with the shame anymore!”
Craig: “Lot Lizard.”
(Both burst out laughing)
If you’re unaware, “lot lizard” is a term truckers use to describe “hookers” that hang out at truck stops. If you’ve ever done much in the way of road-tripping, you should know this.
So, she became Lolita the Pole Dancing Lot Lizard (mostly because I like alliteration and puns).
Just as we were about to get a picture, Dusyran, who had been otherwise occupied, noticed and spooked her off again.
But, watch yourself lizard boys…Lolita is out there…and she’s looking for love!
(Amazing what comes up when you Google search “pole dancing lizard”. Friendly PSA.)