All That Glitters is Gold

For the rich and royal, Fall’s trending metallics have an entirely different meaning. Go big, or go home, as they say and some people are taking that to heart…and skin.

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“Opulent gold. Singular radiance. This gold-infused serum has potent age-defying technology to revitalise and perfect skin. With Cellular Radiance Concentrate Pure Gold, advanced peptides and a gold infusion improve elasticity. Lines and wrinkles fade away. Skin tone becomes even. A single drop illuminates the skin as if from within. Simply radiant.”

That’s how the website for Swiss company La Prairie describes their hot new Cellular Radiance Concentrate Pure Gold Serum.

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The luxurious finishing touch that high end spas and salons are promoting for decadent facials utilizing rare herbs and caviar.
That’s right, it’s a pure, 24K gold serum that’s applied to the face.
Sound indulgent?
I’d certainly say it is. If you’ve been nice this year, you might ask Santa for a facial using it, or a bottle of this lavish potion that celebrities and fashionistas are raving about.
Of course, depending on the salon and the accoutrements included in your facial, the price will vary.
The good news is, you can buy a 1 ounce bottle for home use, for the bargain price of $615.
That’s not a typo.
One ounce.
That’s two tablespoons. That’s one shot of tequila.
An ounce.

If that’s not your thing, maybe Oro Gold 24K Nano Night Recovery cream, might be more your style.

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Another opulent treat, people swear the nano particles of real gold make a true difference in the luminance and texture of their skin.
Scientists believe it’s more likely that other ingredients are responsible for most of the lifting, firming, brightening and moisturizing of creams like this, as opposed to the miniscule particles of gold.
For $1500 an ounce you can try it for yourself.
Let me repeat that in case you missed it.
$1500 AN OUNCE.
Take a moment, and a shot of tequila (or whatever your poison), and let that sink in.

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Everything from gold flake suspended oils and masks, to sheets of wafer thin, food-grade gold leaf are being sold and used in 24K facials for (in my opinion) the utterly insane. As you can imagine, prices are ridiculous.
Naturally, you can purchase lotions and potions with lower concentrations of gold, for lower prices. I found a few starting at about 35 bucks. That’s a huge margin though, which makes me believe it’s either fake or doesn’t have enough of the gilded stuff to produce the results so many people are swearing by.

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Now, I’ve had Goldschlager (that cinnamon liqueur with gold flecks in it) and gold-flecked wine (the one shown, specifically) and while it’s fun for parties or maybe a special occasion (New Years comes to mind), I really believe it’s more for show than glow (and I do enjoy the taste of both, but don’t think the gold enhances the flavor in any way).
On skin? I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the same thing. A pricey little bottle to sit on your makeup table and impress your friends (and your ego) more than a serious skin care breakthrough.
If you’re super serious about making sure your shit shines (literally), there’s a remedy for that, too.

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Tobias Wong, who had entirely too much time and money, developed a pill that turns your poo into a party.
Gold glitter pills are 24 Karat coated capsules, filled with flakes of the same, so that even your turds can twinkle.
They’re $425 a piece, so you might want to save that idea for a celebratory constitutional.
Again, there’s imitators out there, but most are filled with food-grade glitter instead of real gold.

Too good not to share, I think would be a great Saint Patty's Day gift or fun foe all those Irish guys and gals.

Too good not to share, I think Potty O’ Gold would be a great Saint Patty’s Day gift or fun for all those Irish guys and gals. We’ve just answered the age old question about what’s at the end of the rainbow.

I can’t honestly say I’m that fascinated by my poo, that I’d want to sit and watch it float around in the toilet like some shimmering sailboat.
And, an immediate flush seems like it would defeat the purpose of having a dazzling dump. I suppose having corn for dinner the night before could up the excrement excitement, but I feel pretty confident in saying that a potty party is not my idea of a good time. I suppose the best use of these would be to make the magic happen in public, and leave it for the next person to find, and possibly be confused by.
As long as you don’t get an automatic flusher, you’re golden.

Images: La Prairie, Oro Gold,XXIV Karat, danderma, Etsy.

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